I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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