I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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