Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
