Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize