Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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