why didn't you poke me back
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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