Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
