Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize