I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
