he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
