i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
