I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I only lived at night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
