Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
