I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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