Cold hands, warm shart.
Kiss
Puke
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
