I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
