What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize