We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
