what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
