I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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