i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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