guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
