I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
