Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
