Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize