is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
