Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
