Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
