I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
