i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mom said you looked used
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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