the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
