I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize