Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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