She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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