Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
