Who wears a wallet chain?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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