wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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