Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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