you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize