Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
