Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
