just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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