So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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