Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
