they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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