We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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