I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
