my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ttyl tear gas
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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