we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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