I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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