And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
