You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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