I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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