Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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