On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
