You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
