Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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