Umm I'm too high to move.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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