Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
