it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
