Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
