My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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