I puked a lego.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize