How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
