8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
