four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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