I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize