Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I AM VODKA MAN
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
