I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
