Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
