I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
