Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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