He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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