It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
