He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
