Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
NoShamevember. You game?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
