this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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