He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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