Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
