I hate your face
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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