I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
