She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
