I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
