And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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