She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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