Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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