Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
