the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
