I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize